We tend to think that people don’t give themselves to us because they don’t want to. From the high horse of our own experiences, it sometimes seems impossible to understand how someone can love us and still not be emotionally available to connect with us.

It took me quite a few years to understand that. And, of course, it was a book that helped unravel the final piece of a puzzle I spent more than sixteen years trying to solve. Always trying, unfortunately.

We never know the stories other people tell themselves. The misconceptions they live by, shaped by their own experiences. The fears that hold them back. The belief systems that quietly govern the way they see the world.

What had always been so painful for me to understand, fueled by my own insecurities and beliefs about reality, suddenly became crystal clear. It is, after all, possible to truly love someone and still believe they are not meant for us, making it impossible to fight for them.

It took me years to reconcile what I felt with what was said, and with what my own tainted mind insisted on believing. Years of yearning. Years of thinking we could have had it all. The truth is, maybe we could have. But we didn’t, because we simply didn’t know how.

Not a problem in itself, except for the butterfly effect that experience set in motion. A painful chain of events that led to others, lingering within me to this day. Some people, for one reason or another, simply get under your skin.

And so I continue analyzing the past. It may be worth nothing more than understanding.

But understanding is already something.