mental-health

  • Emotional unavailability

    We tend to think that people don’t give themselves to us because they don’t want to. From the high horse of our own experiences, it sometimes seems impossible to understand how someone can love us and still not be emotionally available to connect with us. It took me quite a few years to understand that.…

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  • News flash

    I got the job. After 21 years of thinking about strategic consulting, I finally got it. It only took 21 years after Bain told me they would not even consider me because my grades were not good enough. And me telling them that was bullshit. I am, indeed, a very stubborn woman, with very persistent…

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  • Old wounds

    Duran Duran – Come Undone The song that opened the gates to more unprocessed childhood trauma. Eventually, one day in my life I will get to the bottom of it. I will process everything that happened and stop crying about it. But today is not that day, it seems. This lovely show from the 90s…

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  • Restlessness

    I am living in a constant state of restlessness. Forcing myself to stand still while my entire body screams for action. Blaming the winter season, the heavy mood in the house, my father’s death anniversary and his birthday (he would have been 75 this year). Blaming the calm at work, the damn consistent routine I’ve…

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  • Out of the confort zone

    I hate it with all my being — the waiting, the buildup, the excruciating preparation. The more space I give it in my head, the bigger and uglier it becomes. So I try to downplay it. I tell myself it’s not a big thing, that it’s fine. But then the anxiety settles in anyway, staying…

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  • Life happens even when you don’t have the time for it.It’s unfair how much more time I would need for all that I want to do. It’s unfair how much I still struggle with it. Life has been happening—a good life, with other projects and other type of work. Meaningful work, nonetheless. But still, no…

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