Anxiety is eating me alive.

After a full week of trying to keep it at bay, I’ve decided to embrace it. I cannot give myself another pep talk about how I should not be feeling what I am feeling.

If I’m feeling it, then it’s here. And, to be honest, it’s justified.

Things are changing. This is a life changing event (even if a small one) and I am afraid this may just be the first big change in a series of changes that will eventually come.

So it’s not just the prospect of a new job. It’s what that new job might do to my work-life balance, to my writing time, to the routines I’ve built. It’s wondering how I’ll manage a new manager, a new team, new expectations. It’s the possibility that this is a beginning. And beginnings are scary.

The unknown is very scary.

So I will prepare for the next round of interviews.

Let anxiety wash over me, while thinking for the hundredth time that what I really need is a full-blown night out: 4h of dancing, cigarettes, and several glasses of wine. Neural pathways are funny things, after all. How fast can we go back to default settings, even after years and years.

So awareness is indeed a super-power.