MUSINGS
Thoughts that I live by, soft sparks, and glimpses of my mind.
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Why he looks at me, asking for my opinion? Why he listens to what I have to say? Why my points of view are valued? Because I read everything! Because I know what is going on around, I keep myself informed, I link the dots, I talk with people on the floor so I know
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The truth is, I am questioning everything. The comfortable conform thoughts I had about live, the certainties about my career, what I saw myself doing, all the posh curated designed life I was certain I wanted. And then, I see a picture of a cabinet, handmade by one wooden piece, that would definitely not fit
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The want is exploding out of my cells.Visceral daily reaction contained only in my skin.It’s not visible, so I pretend.There’s nothing else, so I fake.I can fake anything; never believe otherwise.Nobody can pretend to themselves like I do.I can talk myself out of my deepest desires for eternity.Always a bit longer.But when the deck holding
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I’ve been on the edge. I feel like screaming at people every step of the way: anxiety, annoyance, general restlessness. I don’t like it a little bit. It could be work-related, or it could be the “I want it all and I want it now” attitude, or it could be hormones. Oh, life is a
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Sometimes, but not every day, I feel grateful for the punches life has already thrown at me. At least some lessons were already learned. At least I know how to navigate uncertainty. I know nothing is forever, and I am rarely thrown out of balance. Accepting all the punches in apparent apathy. The apathy of
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I cannot save him anymore. I can only push him through this mad world by hand, protecting him even so slightly from emotional damage.Reality catches with us all; he got at least 10 additional years than I had.Would I like to keep on my motherly protectiveness? Yes.Would I like for him not to have the
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Betrayal should have an expiration date. How useless is it to feel betrayed by a dead person? Nobody tells you that death changes nothing for you in terms of emotions. Dead people can still hurt you, they can make you cry, and they for sure can make you feel ridiculous about all that. During all
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There was always a darkness in me that I’d tried to escape, pretending it was not there. I noticed very early in life, barely an adolescent, that I tend to spiral downwards. For all my positivity and belief that all will eventually be well, I can deal with a great deal of pain. I not
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Woke up again to those damn green eyes. Like poison ivy suffocating me, touching me everywhere. It is not the first time this has happened. While playing it cool on the outside, my mind is constantly pulled to those jade whispering eyes, like a scratched 80s vinyl record. I am not even sure when this
feisty mind 