MUSINGS

Thoughts that I live by, soft sparks, and glimpses of my mind.

  • Wuthering Heights

    The book is not a romance, or it’s only a romance if you have a very generous imagination. But it’s powerful. Consuming. Anguished, like the weather that fills most of its days. I didn’t exactly like the book, for the same reason I’m still dealing with the aftermath of the movie: it is dark without…

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  • Echos

    On repeat… Bad things – Cailin Russo Then your fireworks set me offI’m like a time bomb in a stormIn your arms, I’d start a warWe’ve both been here beforeMatter of fact, I caught you lookin’ backSo let’s go I get what I wantI want what I seeI wanna do, do, do, do bad things…

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  • Sitting with discomfort

    Being able to sit with discomfort should get you medals. And choosing to surrender control and sit there anyway, not knowing the end, that’s next-level bravery. This is technically a 2026 problem, but now that I’ve seen it on the horizon, I need time to think. To overthink. To spiral a little and prepare myself…

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  • Joint words

    There are sentences that take up residence in my mind. Authors, books, lyrics – they put a string of words together and suddenly it becomes essential. I can’t live without that phrase echoing inside me, I’m done for. It’s boardline obsessive how much I think about certain sentences. And the worst (or best) part? I…

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  • Fall

    Yesterday evening I’ve fallen in love with Tristan Miles in Paris. I’ve slept less two hours than I should for that. And today I am back to rainy Amsterdam, an impossible jet lag and my two wild kids. Reality is difficult, reality post-vacations is dreadful. So I have books, and while I have books I…

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  • Scotland

    A part of my soul resides in Scotland, it’s now my belief. After another 5 days of driving in the Highlands, I can confirm this will not be the last time I do it. Actually, this was the second time of many that will follow. It is unclear at this point whether it is the…

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  • Soulful Lines

    And then I sit here, in the garden of my childhood house, and I cannot tell anymore what kind of person I would be if my father were still alive.More confounding yet, I’m not sure if I could give it up for just one more day with him anymore. I used to think that; that…

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  • Soulful Lines

    Old objects bring me solace—small bits of memories encapsuled by hard exteriors; the hourly chime of the pendulum clock, the aluminum butter dish from my grandparents’ summer house, the ’80s coffee cups from my parents’ wedding gifts, the hundred portraits spread over all home surfaces. I like to be surrounded by it, the nostalgia, the…

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  • Clichés

    Nobody tells you.Nobody tells you that putting yourself first means putting others second, by definition. And for a lifetime people pleaser like me, that is a feat. A feat I am learning, but it takes time. Also, nobody tells you that accepting yourself as you are (another lovely cliché) is more difficult than it seems.…

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  • Soulful lines

    I lived to feel, just like an emotional junkie, until it hurt too much. So I start living for what I should feel; emotions suppressed, all in control. It also failed spectacularly. Now I am learning to accept that I should live for my gut feeling, however scary that may be.

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